I really appreciated this and all the complications you introduced. As another bisexual I have always felt like I have to justify being coupled with a man in queer spaces or spaces where folks want to sound particularly progressive. Folks generally know that we got married when we did in part for practical reasons, a function basically of where we come from and what options we had back then, and I've never found a way to simultaneously acknowledge that but also not diminish the fact that we've always been in love and that marriage has been sorta good for us actually. It's really refreshing to read you acknowledge this type of complication. On an even more personal note (sorry), understanding what it means to be masculine or feel masculine as a trans person right now as an absolute trip when you're surrounded by both bad men and anti-men sentiments.
Thank you for sharing all that! I meant to footnote that I think it's entirely possible that if P and I ever figure out that it would make more financial sense for us to get legally married, that I would. So, yeah, there are many reasons to do so, but I don't want to forget about love in the mix of either getting married or getting divorced! And yes, no need for apologies, I so appreciate you sharing about being masc-ID'd in this moment, I can imagine it's a bit of a mind fuck! :(
Thank you so much, Ellie! It means a lot to hear that excitement, it will truly help me push through to the finish line which has been feeling painfully so-close-but-so-far….
I was writing a comment that was becoming long enough to be a whole response post...maybe I'll do that lol. The point I wanted to make: For context, I'm nonbinary and my long-term partner is a trans man who transitioned 20 years ago, and our queer relationship is generally assumed cis-het. I often have to stop and be like "Wait, I'm not mad at you, I'm mad at patriarchy and internalized, socialized struggles of heterosexuality. You didn't even actually do the thing I'm mad about." The narrative of heteropessimism is so prevalent in the content I consume/am exposed to. And while it's completely valid, it isn't applicable to my relationship at this point in time, and to project it can be detrimental. (that's the short version!)
I really appreciated this and all the complications you introduced. As another bisexual I have always felt like I have to justify being coupled with a man in queer spaces or spaces where folks want to sound particularly progressive. Folks generally know that we got married when we did in part for practical reasons, a function basically of where we come from and what options we had back then, and I've never found a way to simultaneously acknowledge that but also not diminish the fact that we've always been in love and that marriage has been sorta good for us actually. It's really refreshing to read you acknowledge this type of complication. On an even more personal note (sorry), understanding what it means to be masculine or feel masculine as a trans person right now as an absolute trip when you're surrounded by both bad men and anti-men sentiments.
Thank you for sharing all that! I meant to footnote that I think it's entirely possible that if P and I ever figure out that it would make more financial sense for us to get legally married, that I would. So, yeah, there are many reasons to do so, but I don't want to forget about love in the mix of either getting married or getting divorced! And yes, no need for apologies, I so appreciate you sharing about being masc-ID'd in this moment, I can imagine it's a bit of a mind fuck! :(
I really really love this as someone who is also bi and partnered with a cis man. Thank you for this!
Thank you friend! Solidarity!
I can’t wait to read your forthcoming book!! Thank you as always for this radical and helpful re-framing ❤️🔥
Thank you so much, Ellie! It means a lot to hear that excitement, it will truly help me push through to the finish line which has been feeling painfully so-close-but-so-far….
I was writing a comment that was becoming long enough to be a whole response post...maybe I'll do that lol. The point I wanted to make: For context, I'm nonbinary and my long-term partner is a trans man who transitioned 20 years ago, and our queer relationship is generally assumed cis-het. I often have to stop and be like "Wait, I'm not mad at you, I'm mad at patriarchy and internalized, socialized struggles of heterosexuality. You didn't even actually do the thing I'm mad about." The narrative of heteropessimism is so prevalent in the content I consume/am exposed to. And while it's completely valid, it isn't applicable to my relationship at this point in time, and to project it can be detrimental. (that's the short version!)
I relate to a lot of this! I'd love to read your long version in a response post for sure. :)