a gracious adaptability.

a short note on a loss, an update, + lists/links/recs <3

Lake Erie love.

Dear friends, 

Last Friday, just days after her 85th birthday, my Nana made her transition. I wrote about her here, and I have spent the week deep in the memories we shared. I have spent so much time in grief over unjust or too-soon loss, and it’s been beautiful to be in a space of missing someone who seemed to leave this earthly form exactly when she was meant to. Her awareness and acceptance of the end of life was an awe-inspiring thing to behold, which was the case with her so often—she moved through the world with a gracious adaptability that I fiercely admired. I will miss her, so much, but I am hoping to do right by her memory by living more like her: with less resistance, with more gratitude. 

This past week was also busy with the first week of the semester. I’m teaching Intro to Queer Studies; Intro to Gender, Sexuality, and Feminist Studies; and Queer Media. As usual, I’m delighted to be with the students and back in the classroom. Also as usual, I am not delighted to be back to commuting and the various stresses that come with the rest of the job. But I am feeling ready to get through the next few months with more ease (like Nana would encourage). 

Other things happened too, and I’m afraid I don’t have the bandwidth to write about them, but I am thinking back to two weeks ago when I said something like “this doesn’t feel that heavy” (re: Trump’s inauguration) and, now that he’s had two weeks of ‘shock and awe,’ I am decidedly feeling heavier about it all. I still believe in the possibilities of this moment, but I’m also really heartbroken for all the damage being done, and I let myself feel grief for that this week too. 

Below: a hearty reading roundup with a capsule review of Alexis Pauline Gumbs’ biography of Audre Lorde; a reaction to the first few episodes of the prestige medical drama starring the (childhood) love of my life; some gritty alterna-girl rock; and the usual list of things to which I am offering my attention & my thanks. 

Thanks for being here. <3 

love & solidarity,

raechel 

Reading.