I feel this, I have felt this, a few times over. I've noticed there is a general fray about us, us being the people in my life, around me, a lack of defenses, whatever we maybe used to have that didn't leave us so emotionally haggard. No cause and effect sort of thing, just raw, this life is taking its toll. I hope you get to experience a day, whenever it happens, when someone asks you how you are doing, and you are able to realize that despair is not in the top 3, or 2, or number one. Perhaps that's underwhelming to some people. Not to me, it felt like a gift. Please take care.
Thank you so much for the kind words and the empathy. "a general fray" is so accurate, and "emotionally haggard." I trust I will get to despair being lower on the list, and I will also view it as a gift <3
such devastation, such beauty, in these words and in this world. sending deep sympathy to you and to all who love amanda. i don’t remember if she appears directly in rbf but hearing of her role in your growing up brings to mind moments from the book in a very sweet aching way, i can sense her presence in those memories of reading. 💗 grief being in the fabric of the air, the rage and the “being-undone”-ness as the sarah jaffe quote says so well—all of this has been so present in my writing lately too. thank you for writing this and the vulnerability of it.
I’m so sorry for you loss. Thank you for your words. They were exactly what I needed to read this morning, on Yom Kippur, as I’m grieving my own kind of loss of estrangement from my natal family and working through that loss with ancestral connection and prayer. This felt like its own kind of prayer and I’m grateful. 💕
The only thing I can think of right now is how, after my brother passed, other people’s memories of him were the only thing that could help, knowing he somehow created happy memories for not-us, that he was whole and real in the world. And so you have so much to draw on not just for your own healing but also to be a great friend in this moment. But god am I so sorry you’re all going through this, as so many are in all the myriad awful ways the world is grieving.
Thanks for writing this. I’ve been missing and thinking about you every day, and should’ve reached out a million times when I thought to but then didn’t bc I got distracted by whatever. This was beautiful and I’m sending love and hope and gratitude your way.
Literally ditto on thinking of you everyday and knowing I should/could reach out more often. You're in my heart, every second. I feel your thoughts and love from afar too. Ty ty love you.
I feel this, I have felt this, a few times over. I've noticed there is a general fray about us, us being the people in my life, around me, a lack of defenses, whatever we maybe used to have that didn't leave us so emotionally haggard. No cause and effect sort of thing, just raw, this life is taking its toll. I hope you get to experience a day, whenever it happens, when someone asks you how you are doing, and you are able to realize that despair is not in the top 3, or 2, or number one. Perhaps that's underwhelming to some people. Not to me, it felt like a gift. Please take care.
Thank you so much for the kind words and the empathy. "a general fray" is so accurate, and "emotionally haggard." I trust I will get to despair being lower on the list, and I will also view it as a gift <3
Harrowing, beautiful - words don’t suffice but regardless, I’m so so sorry 💜
To Pan ❤️
To pan 🥹🙏🏻❤️
I'm so sorry for your losses, Raechel. This is a beautiful and heartbreaking essay. Thank you.
such devastation, such beauty, in these words and in this world. sending deep sympathy to you and to all who love amanda. i don’t remember if she appears directly in rbf but hearing of her role in your growing up brings to mind moments from the book in a very sweet aching way, i can sense her presence in those memories of reading. 💗 grief being in the fabric of the air, the rage and the “being-undone”-ness as the sarah jaffe quote says so well—all of this has been so present in my writing lately too. thank you for writing this and the vulnerability of it.
Thank you so much for this, andrea. She was absolutely in my memoir, under the name "Abby." you felt that essence correctly. <3 appreciate you!
thank you for sharing these memories and these thoughts and imaginings. i see something powerful growing out of your writing here 🩷
thank you friend <3
This is so beautiful and necessary, Raechel, thank you. Sending you lots of love now and through it all.
🙏🏻❤️
Tears running down my face. 💔❤️🩹
</3 <3
I’m so sorry for you loss. Thank you for your words. They were exactly what I needed to read this morning, on Yom Kippur, as I’m grieving my own kind of loss of estrangement from my natal family and working through that loss with ancestral connection and prayer. This felt like its own kind of prayer and I’m grateful. 💕
grief comes in so many forms. thank you for the comment and I'm sorry & sending solidarity in your own experience with loss. </3 <3
I’m so sorry. Wishing you whatever solace is possible in these early days of grieving ❤️
Thank you 🙏🏻
The only thing I can think of right now is how, after my brother passed, other people’s memories of him were the only thing that could help, knowing he somehow created happy memories for not-us, that he was whole and real in the world. And so you have so much to draw on not just for your own healing but also to be a great friend in this moment. But god am I so sorry you’re all going through this, as so many are in all the myriad awful ways the world is grieving.
Thank you so much for the empathy and I hope my friend finds similar comfort in these memories. 🙏🏻 & so sorry you know this particular kind of loss. 💔
Thanks for writing this. I’ve been missing and thinking about you every day, and should’ve reached out a million times when I thought to but then didn’t bc I got distracted by whatever. This was beautiful and I’m sending love and hope and gratitude your way.
Literally ditto on thinking of you everyday and knowing I should/could reach out more often. You're in my heart, every second. I feel your thoughts and love from afar too. Ty ty love you.